


i just want to see the stars with you

by tsukishimas



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, M/M, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 09:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2423120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukishimas/pseuds/tsukishimas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"i think you loved me," thomas says.</p>
  <p>"yeah. i think i did."</p>
</blockquote><br/>(or: the one where they remember.
            </blockquote>





	i just want to see the stars with you

**Author's Note:**

> (another title with stars in it what am i doing.)
> 
> hi guys omg guess who it is yes it's me! (it's only been like 3 days jfc.) so i'm back with another newmas fic for you! (okay can we just acknowledge that this was originally going to be a soulmate au but i screwed up really bad.) diverges from the canon events in the movie with some book references in there. basically i feel terribly uncreative. (i also wish this was a lot longer but i can't do everything right.) 
> 
> the comments on my last story were so wonderful and supportive, and i just want to tell you how much i appreciate all of you reading what i write and just being lovely people. so this is for all of you guys, i love you, and enjoy xx

Hands are clasped tight together. The two boys stare across from each other in the dim light. Teresa will be here any minute to inject the serum, but Thomas can't bring himself to leave.

"Everything will be alright," he says. His voice shakes.

"I don't want to lose you," Newt whispers.

"You won't. I promise. I'll be right there with you." Thomas squeezes his hand tighter, like some kind of reassurance, that maybe if he doesn't let go none of this actually has to happen. (And of course he's wrong because the Maze Trials are planned to the very last detail, and nothing can stop it.)

"I don't want to forget you," Newt says, and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears.

 _You won't,_ Thomas wants to say. But it's a lie. 

 

 

—

 

 

Thomas can't take his eyes off the boy who's awoken in the Box, trembling with fear as he pulls himself into a corner bows his head. The Box arrives at the Glade, and the few boys there help him out. He looks lost, confused. _What's your name?_ they ask. _I don't know,_ he says. He doesn't remember.

Someone rests a hand on his shoulder, and he doesn't have to turn around to know it's Teresa. "He'll be okay."

Thomas knows that, because Newt's intelligent and strong-willed and stubborn. He'll be okay. But it still doesn't make it any less painful to lose the boy who means so much to him.

 

 

— 

 

 

Thomas is clutching the edge of the table so hard his knuckles are turning white. Newt is hauling himself to the top of the Maze wall, and as he stands, he looks over the edge at the drop below. 

"Don't do it," he whispers to himself, terrified. "Don't you _bloody_ _do it_."

Newt jumps.

Thomas chokes out a sob and slams his fist down as hard as he can on the table, cracking the glass. "You have to help him!" he screams, standing up furiously and facing the people around him. "Please! You have to do something!"

Ava Paige just smiles sadly at him, and Thomas is so angry he can barely see straight, and goes to hit her, punch her, _something_. Teresa is there in front of him pushing him away, telling him to _stop it Thomas, what on earth are you doing?_

They're dragging him away as he screams and cries and struggles against them, looking to the screen where Newt lays still on the Maze floor. 

They've broken him.

 

 

—

 

 

Darkness turns to light as the sound of metal scraping against metal ricochets around him, piercing his eardrums. Thomas looks up and squints against the harsh sunlight, seeing faces all around, staring down at him. One of the boys jumps down into the metal cage, coming face to face with him.

"Day one, Greenie — rise and shine," he says, and grips Thomas's shirt. Several other boys haul him out of the cage and onto the grass, and he scrambles to his feet. He takes in his surroundings, looks at all the boys surrounding him, shouting things he doesn't understand and staring him down. He runs.

They're yelling after him, something about a Runner, but he doesn't listen. He runs until his foot catches and he goes falling to the ground, and the shouts and laughs grow even louder from the boys behind him. And for the first time, he notices the massive stone wall in front of him. When he stands up and turns in circles, he sees three more, forming a large square around him — trapping him.

 

 

—

 

 

There's a boy, Alby, who's been the nicest person to him so far. After easing Thomas's anxiety about his memory loss, he shows him around the area — the Glade, they call it — and tells him about the way they live; growing their own food, making their own shelter, establishing order. Thomas assumes he's the leader, by the confidence and wisdom in his presence.

Then a skinny boy, with blond hair and dark eyes, comes up to them. He's saying something to Alby and Thomas is just _staring_ because in a place where these boys work day and night to survive with no memory of their past, no one should look as good as he does.

Thomas is suddenly aware that the boy is looking at him as he says, "My name's Newt. I'm second in command when Alby's not around."

"He's my right hand man," Alby says, half smiling.

"Almost thought you had the guts to be a Runner," Newt says, with something like approval in his eyes. "Before you took a spill."

Thomas doesn't really know how to reply, and doesn't get the chance before Alby is leading him off to some other part of the Glade. Thomas cranes his neck back to look at Newt, going off in the opposite direction, but he catches Thomas's eye and smiles. 

It's the most comforting thing he's felt since he arrived.

 

 

—

 

 

They're sitting away from the large group at the bonfire, choosing instead to lean against a log side by side, but Newt leaves a small space between them. Thomas has spit out whatever they're drinking, crying, "What is that?"

"No idea," Newt says, laughing. They talk some about Gally, and then Thomas becomes curious and asks about the Maze. No one has told him yet.

"How long have you been looking?" he asks, after listening quietly.

Newt stares straight ahead into the darkness, making sure to keep his voice even as he says, "Three years."

"And you still haven't found a way out?"

And then he has to explain everything about the Maze walls changing each night and Thomas is asking how he could possibly know that if he's not a Runner.

"I used to be," Newt says quietly. "But it's hard to run with a shucked up leg." He knows he shouldn't have said that, because Thomas wants to know everything and will want to know what happened to him. 

But Thomas just whispers, "Oh", and they sit in silence. Their hands lay on the ground, close to each other, but not touching.

 

 

— 

 

 

He only gets a few yards into the open of the Glade when Ben tackles him to the ground. They both go rolling through the grass and Ben ends up pinning him down, his hands wrapped around Thomas's neck as he squeezes, trying to take the life out of him.

He hears the terrible sound of someone being hit with metal, and suddenly Ben's weight isn't holding him down and he can breathe again. He gasps and coughs and hacks as he watches Newt and Alby and the other boys hold Ben down, who now has a large gash across his cheek, and he's screaming things like "I saw him" and "It's his fault", and Thomas doesn't understand because _how could any of this be his fault?_

Ben's carried off by a group of boys that have to wrestle to keep him in their grip, and Thomas watches in shock next to Newt, who's holding a large pole. (Thomas figures he was the one who hit Ben in the face.)

"You okay?" Newt asks softly.

Thomas heaves in a breath and nods. "Yeah."

Newt almost pats his back. 

Almost.

 

 

—

 

 

They're gathered at the entrance to the Maze, the Doors minutes from closing, and Minho and Alby still haven't returned. With each second that passes, Thomas feels his chest constricting, running out of air, because they're out there and they need help and _why isn't anyone doing anything?_

"Can't we send someone after them?" he tries to reason with Newt.

Gally interrupts, snapping, "It's against the rules. Either they make it back or they don't."

Newt turns his head to look at him, distress in his eyes. "We can't risk losing anyone else." His eyes bore into Thomas's with sincerity, and there's something unspoken between them that says,  _I can't risk losing you._

And they're staring down the corridor of the Maze, dread clinging in the air, when the sound of the moving walls echoes through the Glade and the Doors begin to inch closed. That's when they see them. Minho's rounding the corner, and Thomas doesn't see Alby at first, but then realizes he's draped over Minho's back, lax and lifeless. _He's not_ , he tells himself, as soon as he considers the possibilities. _Alby's not dead_.

The screaming begins, the Gladers telling them to hurry, that the doors will close, which they _know_ , they have to know. Gally's yelling to leave Alby behind, but Minho doesn't let go of his friend. The weight brings them both down to the ground, and Minho grabs Alby's legs and drags him, trying to make it to the Doors, which seem to be closing faster and faster.

"They're not going to make it," he hears Newt say under his breath, horrified.

And Thomas knows that, he knows as he watches the space between the Doors grow smaller and smaller, and he knows he can't leave them. He hears someone, the words something like _Tommy_ and  _don't you bloody do it_ and it sounds like Newt, but everything is so far away and he doesn't know. In a rush of adrenaline, he pushes himself between the doors.

Newt lunges for him, he has to stop him, and reaches out to grab him. He won't lose him, too.  

His fingers just barely miss Thomas's hand.

 

 

—

 

 

Newt's the first one up on his feet the next morning, after a sleepless night. He watches the Doors open and stares down the empty corridor, where he's lost so many friends, and he really doesn't want to lose any more. 

The other boys come slowly and join him, standing still as if they're paralyzed. There's a silence surrounding them that makes the situation seem so much worse, but no one can bring themselves to speak.

When he sees Minho and Thomas carrying Alby between them, he nearly collapses from relief because _they're alive, they survived, they're here._

They drop down just outside the Doors, resting Alby down gently, and Newt is immediately kneeling down at Thomas's side.

"What happened?" Chuck asks worriedly.

"He was stung," Minho says.

Newt is looking at Thomas, the dirt and sweat and weariness on his face, and he wants to pull the boy into a hug for saving his two best friends, and for saving himself. 

He doesn't.

He's going to ask if Thomas is okay, but before he can their eyes meet, and somehow after it all Thomas gives a small smile, and Newt knows.

Tommy's okay.

 

 

—

 

 

"Starting tomorrow, you're a Runner."

Thomas is so taken aback he barely notices Gally's outburst of anger. Newt has made him a Runner. Newt _believes_ in him.

And that's really all Thomas needs.

 

 

 —

 

 

Thomas is sitting underneath that one tree he loves so much, just on the edge of the Glade, when Newt finds him. 

"There you are, Tommy," he says. "Bloody thought you went running off again."

Thomas smiles sadly and shakes his head. He wants to be happy, he should be happy because Newt's here and he's just made him a Runner. But he feels empty.

Newt's face quickly changes to concern, and he goes to sit next to Thomas. "Is something wrong?"

Thomas sighs, long and soft. "I'm so angry. I'm mad that Alby has to go through the Changing, that Ben had to be banished, that you've all been here for so _long_ and you don't deserve to be." He sounds like he might cry, but no tears come. "And I'm mad that I can't remember _anything_ before the Box. Everything was so terrifying that day, and it still is." He turns his head to finally meet Newt's gaze. "But as soon as I saw you, it was like things weren't so bad anymore."

Newt wants to tell him how he feels the same, he understands, that when Thomas first arrived everything seemed _better_. He wants to tell Thomas that he means an indescribable amount to him, and the fear he felt when he thought that Thomas wouldn't make it back.

He doesn't.

And all he can say is, "Me too."

Thomas is still staring at him, studying him, and he says, "Do you think we knew each other before the Maze?"

Newt goes still.

"You just seem so familiar to me," Thomas says quietly, when he doesn't respond. "And I feel so comfortable with you, from the moment I got here. I feel like I know you."

"No one remembers their life before the Maze," Newt says.

"I remember you." 

Newt's going to tell him that that's not possible, that no one has ever remembered anything about their past, but then Thomas is leaning over and kissing him softly. Everything in Newt's mind fades away at that moment, lost to the feeling of Thomas's soft lips and his dark hair between Newt's fingers. And something about having him so close, right there beside him, makes Newt feel truly happy.

He feels at home.

 

 

—

 

 

"I'm tired, Tommy," Newt tells him. "I bloody hate this place."

"I know," he says. "I'm sorry."

"It would be better if we were dead."

Thomas grips his hand tight enough to break the bones. "Don't say stuff like that. We'll do whatever it takes to stay alive, okay?"

Newt casts his eyes downward. "Okay."

Thomas tilts his chin up. "Look at me. You have to promise me that we'll stay alive. Together."

Newt looks him in the eyes. "I promise."

(He thinks how awful it feels to lie to someone you love.)

 

 

—

 

 

"Do you ever wonder what we were like before?" Thomas asks. They're lying on their backs on the grass and staring up at the stars, their fingers intertwined between them.

"You were probably bloody annoying," Newt says, and his smile lets Thomas know he's joking. "So nothing's changed."

"I bet you were happy."

Newt kind of frowns. "What are you talking about, Tommy? I'm sure we were all happier before this bloody place."

"Yeah," Thomas says. "But you were still happier."

Newt says nothing, and Thomas brings their locked hands up, extending their arms above their heads so they're backed by the shining stars.

"I think you loved me," Thomas says.

Newt feels his heart swell with something (adoration? admiration?) that makes him want to scream with joy and cry for everything they've lost that neither of them know of. But at least he didn't lose Tommy.

"Yeah. I think I did."

 

 

 —

 

 

(By the time they get to him it's too late. Thomas stares at the lifeless body of the boy he loved — no, _loves_ , because he'll never stop loving him — and something terrible, buried deep within him, makes him feel like he's seen this before.)

**Author's Note:**

> well. there's that. (idk i'm feeling kinda eh on this one like i think i can write but then writer's block and ugh.) also i want to make a quick note that i haven't read all the books, i'm still reading the first one and the rest are kind of unknown to me (other than who dies and stuff ffs). so if anything is inaccurate or makes no sense, that would be why. 
> 
> tell all your friends! self promo! okay thank you for reading and i love you guys so much xx


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